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“Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Luke 23:34
Maybe the best way to understand what forgiveness is to understand what it is not.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. There is no command that we must forget the wrongs done to us. Instead, we must not hold a debt or grudge against them.
Forgiveness is not forgetting the hurt or shrugging it off. So many people say,’ that’s alright’ when it was not alright. Or that it is OK when it was not OK. Forgiveness means taking the offense seriously not just shrugging it off. Don’t make forgiveness in to a cover for abuse.
Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiveness does not mean that people are put back into a trusted position where they can do more damage. You can forgive but not trust. Forgiveness is given because God gave it to us. But trust must be earned.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is the pathway to reconciliation but it is not reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one party but reconciliation takes two.
Forgiveness is a fresh start. An author, Douglas Steere, stated that forgiveness is not a condition in which the sin of the past is not altered or its inevitable consequences changes. But rather, in forgiveness a fresh act is added to those of the past, which restores the broken relationship and opens the way for both parties to meet and communicate deeply with each other in the present and future. True forgiveness is a first step toward healing.